I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have post one night stand depression
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
