My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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