im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
