i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
