So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I could fuck to npr.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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