So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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