I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
