I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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