Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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