plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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