If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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