Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
