The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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