i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
