His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
