I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
