His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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