I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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