Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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