Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
