im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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