He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
