my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize