I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
