I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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