Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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