You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
