Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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