On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
