I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
why is half of my head shaved?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
