He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
