just survived the first fart of the relationship.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
