Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
