dude i'm inner monologue high
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So apparently I’m into choking now
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