She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
