he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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