3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
