I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
