I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
