whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
