That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I want to be your penis for a week.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
