Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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