so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
