my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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