I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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