How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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