You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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