Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
