remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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