I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
