You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
