I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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