i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there's paper in my vomit.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
