Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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