I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
