dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
