who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
