Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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