What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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