This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
