I accidentally had phone sex last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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