In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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