you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
