i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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