I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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