Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
