everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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