He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
