the condom got lost in my hair
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
