I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
