when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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