I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Vodka?
Forever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
