I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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